The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
