He uses pillows to masturbate.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
