my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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