the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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