im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
