I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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