please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
