I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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