She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
