I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm too high and old for this...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
