White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
