remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
