Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
