She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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