I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize