woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
