Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
