I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
