Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
