is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
