i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
