I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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