help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
