If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
