i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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