Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
