yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
