it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
