She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We have started to decorate penises.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
