Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
