nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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