Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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