Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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