This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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