may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
