the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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