I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
