He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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