Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
