"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
