I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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