His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
