we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
