Moan for me like Helen Keller
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
