The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
