..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
