I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i believe in u and ur pee
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
