I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
