I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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