I'm jealous of your bromance
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
