Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
