When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize