Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
