Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
