I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
