'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
