You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
