my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize