in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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